Five Foods to Bring to Your Next Holiday Party to Let People Know You're in the Middle of a Breakdown

'Tis the season!!!!!!! The time for family and friends and food and old traditions and new traditions and moving that stupid Elf on the Shelf we never wanted and making memories and Christmas cards and giving back and being thankful and traveling and decorating and baking cookies and cleaning for guests and prepping for potlucks and going to company parties and hey, maybe we spread some of this sh** out to the rest of the year? 

So yes, it's a wonderful time of year, but it's also a wee bit busy. And if you're lucky to live close to family, friends, and coworkers who invite you to various functions, you may find yourself on the hook for an overwhelming number of holiday-themed dishes. If you feel you're coming to your breaking point, here are some perfect potluck contributions to say, "Hey, everyone, I'm really going through something here." 

 

5. A fancy gift basket, with exactly one bite taken out of every item.

 

 

4. A Butterball turkey covered in thin-sliced deli ham that you keep insisting is a "modern take on turducken."

 

3. A mashed potato sculpture of the Baby Jesus, served on a bed of french fried onion straws. 

Please note, each of these items (save one) was inspired by a real "holiday menu item" idea on Pinterest. I'm actually saddened that this one isn't even as weird as the one that inspired it, which was called "Baby Jesus in a Blanket" and featured a crescent-wrapped teeny weenie as our lord and savior Jesus Christ. 

 

2. An Elf on the Shelf baked into a cake like Hans Solo in carbonite.

 

1. Tostinos Pizza Rolls, still frozen and in the bag, served atop a beautiful silver platter.

 


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